can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
