The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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