Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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