A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
