glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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