My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
