I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
