Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize