Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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