Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
