I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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