im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
