Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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