when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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