Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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