Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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