I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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