You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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