Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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