a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
