Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
