i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
