And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
