Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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