i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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