Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
