So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
