just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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