dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So much rum. So many feels.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
