You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
