he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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