I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
