I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
