I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
