I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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