Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
