I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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