Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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