yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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