wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
