I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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