Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
