I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
