He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
