she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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