She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
