When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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