Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
