great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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