Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
