Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
