i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
