I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
