Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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