You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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