Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
