im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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