So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
