I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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