even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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