You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
