My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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