WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
