He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
