i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my shit smells like andre
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
