worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
