I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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