If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
