He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
