was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
