Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
