So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wow bdsm is so cute
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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