i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
