i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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