were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ladies don't puke and tell
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
