yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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