woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
