I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
