$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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