i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Two words: blizzard sex
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
