Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
